A joke
Re: A joke
I can tell you one now Phil.......................................
Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barn yard.
A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight And the farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!!" The horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barn yard.
A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight And the farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!!" The horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Re: A joke
Brilliant, Trevor 
I look forward to more next week.
I look forward to more next week.
Re: A joke
So does that set the tone for the holiday?
Well I'll not be bringing my dinner suit in that case.
Union Jack knickers is it then?
Well I'll not be bringing my dinner suit in that case.
Union Jack knickers is it then?
Re: A joke
This 3D/HD TV is fantastic, I fell asleep watching a Liverpool match and when I woke up my wallet had gone!
E85 2.5i Sport Roadster, Carbon Black, 3" Stubby, Bluetooth, Bum Warmers etc
Re: A joke
Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
"What the feck are you doing Mick" says Paddy.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me, says an obviously embarrassed Mick: "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor"..
Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
"What the feck are you doing Mick" says Paddy.
"Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me, says an obviously embarrassed Mick: "but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor"..
The single most important component of a camera is the twelve inches behind it.
Re: A joke
I've got some... (apologies in advance)...
Little Johnny's Teacher says - "whoever can answer the following questions can have a half day from school.
Who said "...ask not what your country can do for you?"
- before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy shouts "John F Kennedy"
Teacher says "very good, Nancy, you can go"
Teacher asks "who said - I have a dream?"
- again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary shouts - "Martin Luther King"
Teacher says "very good Mary, you can go"
Johnny is raging & just as teacher turns her back Johnny says "I wish those bitches would keep their fucking mouths shut"
Teacher looks & says "who said that?"
Johnny replies "Wayne Rooney - see you tomorrow"
Margaret Thatcher must be gutted, her 85th birthday and the only thing on telly... miners celebrating!
Woman meets a man in a bar & goes back to his place. During the evening she notices three rows of teddy bears sat on shelves in his bedroom. Bottom shelf has small bears, middle shelf bigger bears and large bears on the top. Woman thinks bloke must be sensitive & he could be the one. So she embarks on a night of unholds barred bedroom gymnastics with him. Next morning woman asks bloke How was I? Bloke replies not fucking bad at all, help yourself to any prize off the middle shelf
Just seen Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell walking along the street when Cheryl tripped and jammed her head in some railings, quick as a flash Simon pulled her knickers down and banged her senseless from behind, slapping her tight little @rse he turned round to Louis and said "Your turn!", Louis starts crying, "What's wrong?" asked Simon, Louis sobbed "my head wont fit in the railings!"
Little Johnny's Teacher says - "whoever can answer the following questions can have a half day from school.
Who said "...ask not what your country can do for you?"
- before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy shouts "John F Kennedy"
Teacher says "very good, Nancy, you can go"
Teacher asks "who said - I have a dream?"
- again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary shouts - "Martin Luther King"
Teacher says "very good Mary, you can go"
Johnny is raging & just as teacher turns her back Johnny says "I wish those bitches would keep their fucking mouths shut"
Teacher looks & says "who said that?"
Johnny replies "Wayne Rooney - see you tomorrow"
Margaret Thatcher must be gutted, her 85th birthday and the only thing on telly... miners celebrating!
Woman meets a man in a bar & goes back to his place. During the evening she notices three rows of teddy bears sat on shelves in his bedroom. Bottom shelf has small bears, middle shelf bigger bears and large bears on the top. Woman thinks bloke must be sensitive & he could be the one. So she embarks on a night of unholds barred bedroom gymnastics with him. Next morning woman asks bloke How was I? Bloke replies not fucking bad at all, help yourself to any prize off the middle shelf
Just seen Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell walking along the street when Cheryl tripped and jammed her head in some railings, quick as a flash Simon pulled her knickers down and banged her senseless from behind, slapping her tight little @rse he turned round to Louis and said "Your turn!", Louis starts crying, "What's wrong?" asked Simon, Louis sobbed "my head wont fit in the railings!"
1998 BMW Z3 2.8 Roadster
1998 BMW 316i Compact (E36)
