One for Friday

[z head]

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh, if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly, and I will eat him."
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish leaps for it, that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a proper trophy."
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches, and that fish jumps for that fly, and that bear grabs for that fish, and that hunter shoots that bear, and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich, then I can have mouse for lunch."
The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water, the fish swallows the fly, the bear grabs the fish, the hunter shoots the bear, the mouse grabs the cheese sandwich, the cat jumps for the mouse, the mouse ducks, and the cat falls into the water and drowns.

And the moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is probably in danger!

[Phil]

The
British Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister David
Cameron's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it,
but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The
Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists
thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians
felt they were all labouring under a
misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea
short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while
the Paediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the
whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through
it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their
hands of the whole thing. The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just
wouldn't hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill
to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the
matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the
Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought
the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say
no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision
up to the arseholes in London ..

[pangster]

[the navigator]

How the Internet started: A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM)

Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story...

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"

And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.

Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham.

And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

And that is how it all began.....